The curse causeless shall not come.
—Proverbs 26:2 (KJV)
The truth is more amazing than fiction, and the story I tell here is true. I began as an emotional failure and an alienated loner doomed to spinsterhood, and became a happily married wife. At first, I offered my story only to friends. It made a deep impression upon them and inspired optimism; they advised me to publish it.
King Solomon’s Descendant
When I was 7 years old, a dramatic vision made me believe that the most important in my life was to love and be loved.
Out of nowhere, there came a bright scene, which lingered for a long time. I smelled the freshness of a river in shadowy woods. A slim young man with dark hair stood on the bank of the river waiting for his chosen one. With a graceful smooth walk, a young woman met him. She wore a white ballroom dress with a fluffy, airy skirt. Her face glowed with a happy smile. She stretched her arms out for an embrace. She was confident in her happiness, in their mutual love. I believed I was to be that girl.
Later, this childhood impression grew into a conviction that the meaning of my life was to love a certain man. I wished to dedicate myself to him and to live by him and for him. However, an insidious voice inside whispered, “It will not work. You will not make it.” I listened to it. Moreover, I believed it.
For long decades, my private life went nowhere. Those I fell for were either indifferent to me or despised me. I felt rejected and hurt.
If I had met my future husband earlier,
either I would have not noticed him
or I would have pushed him away
If my early failures were just random and unfortunate, they should not have repeated themselves every time. I should have been able to connect with someone at least once. I was not ugly. Young men would come up to me in the street to express their interest. Nevertheless, they did not interest me, and I did not have any success with the guys whom I did like. If I liked someone, he would not like me—or vice versa. I kept asking myself, “Why are they not interested in me?” I thought I might have been cursed.